February 15, 2026 / 6 Minute Read

love hurts

They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would no doubt have continued with us: but they went out, that they might be made manifest that they were not all of us.

1 John 2:19

Before I begin, I’ll have you know that I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing five breakups throughout the course of my life.

Lucky me, right?

I might not be able to keep them, but I sure know how to lose them!

That being said, I feel that my various heartbreaks have provided me with a unique perspective on best practices when navigating the nuclear fallout of a breakup.

So here’s some advice from a fellow sad boy on how to pick up the pieces of your shattered heart!

go ghost

The first thing you should do after a breakup is go ghost.

It doesn’t matter who broke up with whom; the first battle is not one of attrition but of detachment.

When I was in eighth grade, I got my girlfriend taken by another guy. After she broke up with me, I spent weeks pouring my heart out, sending her Shakespearean paragraphs about how much she meant to me and how bad I wanted her back.

It didn’t work.

I experienced a similar situation in college, although this time the roles were reversed. I broke up with her, yet I still reached out, begging her to come see me while she was (rightfully) out doing God knows what.

Once again, it didn’t work.

If you and your partner don’t immediately reconcile (I’d say within a month after the breakup), then it’s better to quit while you’re ahead. I know that sounds bleak, but it’s the truth. Let’s be honest, if your partner wanted to get back with you, they would have done it.

When a person wants to explore, or even worse, has chosen someone else, unfortunately, there’s nothing you can do. The best course of action is to accept defeat quickly and quietly.

Don’t send a text, don’t call, and definitely don’t write a love song!

Be silent.

stay still

The next thing you should do after a breakup is remain still.  

Oftentimes, after heartbreak, people (like me) immediately run to various numbing devices to soothe the pain. Whether it be a new partner, hardcore narcotics, or a complete shift in priorities, people try to sprint right after suffering a major injury.

I know it’s hard, and it’s something I still haven’t mastered, but you must learn to sit with the pain. Healing never occurs as fast as we want it to, but the only way to truly recover is to remain still and slowly pick up the pieces of your broken heart.

During the process, you’ll likely discover why the relationship didn’t work and what you need to do to improve in the future.

Don’t rush the process, lest your heart be shattered even further.

forgive yourself

This is the step I struggled with the most.

I’ll be open and honest in stating that my last relationship ended primarily due to infidelity on my end. For years, I was stuck in a loop of regret and self-condemnation. I tried everything I could think of to make the situation right.

None of it worked.

Sometimes there are no happy endings, especially when you’re unfaithful. Despite my heinous crimes, I slowly but surely learned to accept my fate and to begin the process of self-improvement.

The best advice I can give regarding this step is that forgiveness is an active process, not a passive one. It’s not some one-time act you do and move on from, it’s something you sit with.

It festers and lingers long after what you’d consider an appropriate mourning period. You might forgive yourself on Monday, only to revert to self-condemnation and loathing by Wednesday. Forgiveness is an ugly, gritty, painful process.

Alas, it is an essential stop on the road to redemption.

clean house

After you’ve spent the appropriate time healing and reflecting, it’s time to clean house!

Get rid of everything that’s still keeping you attached to the relationship. Throw away the love letters and birthday gifts. Get rid of all the cute photos and various trinkets.

I’m not saying you have to throw away literally everything your former partner gave you, just the stuff that makes you miss them, the stuff that keeps you unhealthily attached to a relationship that no longer exists.

Don’t worry if it takes a while before you’re able to do the culling. I know it did for me. It took years before I was finally able to separate from the artifacts of my last relationship, but when it finally happened, I felt a tremendous sense of peace and relief.

The importance of this step can be summed up in a single word: Closure.

move forward

In our last step, we shifted from passivity to activity. Now it’s time to take that activity up a notch!

You’ve stopped contacting your former partner, you’ve sat with all the turbulent emotions, and you’ve gotten rid of any unhealthy triggers. The only thing left to do is to get back on the horse and try again!

The key to this step is not to actively seek, but instead open yourself up. Don’t go to the mall or the club hunting for a mate. Instead, place yourself in social situations and let God handle the rest.

Moving forward may seem impossible at times, especially if your ex-flame was extremely attractive or an amazing person, but try to think of it this way. You might really love your car, but I’m sure there’s at least one other car you wouldn’t mind having, even if you haven’t seen it yet.

That’s why it’s important to place yourself in social settings! So you can get a look at the new models! (Without being creepy, of course)

If you consistently place yourself in social situations and interact with enough people, you’ll find that your ex wasn’t the most interesting man/woman in the world after all!

choose love

The last step to your post-breakup recovery plan is simple: Choose love.

After a breakup, it is extremely easy to become bitter, resentful, and even hateful towards your former partner. You may have horrible thoughts and spew harsh, idle words that would make even the most empathetic person cringe.

It’s important not to allow your heart to harden, because trust and believe it will try its best.

Don’t get it twisted, choosing love doesn’t mean getting back together. In fact, I believe it’s completely possible to choose to love your former partner without ever speaking to them again.

Yet, keep your mind open to all possibilities.

There are tons of people who’ve broken up or gotten divorced only to reconcile years later. You don’t know what God has planned for your love life, so try to make room for every possibility, whether it’s reconciliation with a former flame or an entirely new adventure with someone you haven’t even met yet.

Choosing love is more so something you do for yourself, though you must also learn to forgive your former partner.

Regardless of what your future holds, I think we can all agree that breakups suck, and even when you “get over it,” the scars will likely remain for the rest of your life.

So yeah, there’s no doubt about it…

Love hurts!

Bye Chance!