May 12, 2025 / 4 Minute Read

learning to lose

In my seemingly endless quest to find effective anger management solutions, I believe I’ve stumbled upon a valuable training method. 

It all started one fateful night during a routine game of NBA 2K25. 

After a series of easy wins, I decided that the standard difficulty was far too easy and that I needed more of a challenge. 

Like clockwork, I was soon reminded why the phrase “be careful what you wish for” is such a popular colloquialism.

I was rewarded with the push back I was seeking and soon found that my hot streak had transformed into a cold spell.

I was losing, frequently. 

And that really pissed me off.

As a retired athlete, I have the kind of ultra-competitive nature that makes it hard for me to take any loss lightly, even a virtual one. 

Initially, I found myself frantically rushing to the next game, eager to balance the scales.

Yet, slowly but surely, I learned the art of acceptance.

I began forcing myself to end a playthrough on a loss, spending the first few hours of the night seething in bed. 

I soon realized that I wasn’t as angry at the loss as I was about the perceived lack of control. 

I think that’s where most anger stems from. 

Even after coming to this realization it took another 20 – 30 games before I finally began to become desensitized to not getting my way.

In hindsight, I realize that many gamers who fancy multiplayer experiences have likely already internalized this lesson. 

However, as someone who grew up as an only child with a love for single-player RPGs, it took me far longer to discover this jaded reality.

My training culminated in a playoff series against the LeBron and Luka Lakers. 

The series was intense, as we lost the first game before storming back with three straight wins. 

Unfortunately, we followed up that mighty performance with back-to-back losses before hosting a pivotal do-or-die game 7 on our home floor.

Going into this game, I was fully prepared to lose. 

Don’t get it twisted: I didn’t EXPECT to lose, I just remembered it was a feasible outcome.

And that’s when I realized I’d made a breakthrough.

My training had shown me that ANYONE can lose at ANY time.

No one is entitled to victory.

It also revealed that losing isn’t always indicative of poor performance.

I remember several games where, despite the loss, my team and I played extremely well.

Alas, sometimes it’s just not your time to shine.

To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven: A time to be born, And a time to die; A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted; A time to kill, And a time to heal; A time to break down, And a time to build up.

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-3

I’m sure we all PLAN to win every battle.

Nevertheless, the Lord’s counsel shall prevail.

All we can do is try our best.

God will handle the rest.

And won’t he do it?

Don’t you know we won that game and are currently on the road to a potential championship season?

I’d like to clarify that this training method can be employed with any video game with a difficulty scale, so don’t think you’re limited to NBA 2K25. 

However, I do believe this training method will be most effective with an opponent-based experience, such as a sports or fighting game.

Whatever you decide, just ensure the difficulty is set to an appropriate level. You want the experience to be challenging, not impossible.

I’ll conclude by stating that I still hate losing, and likely always will.

Not only have I accepted this, but I believe my aversion to defeat could actually be considered a net positive. 

Sure, losing is fine when it’s a simple game of basketball or Monopoly, but what happens if that “game” has real consequences?

When a doctor loses, someone dies or becomes deformed.

When a lawyer loses, someone gets charged or goes to jail.

When a businessman loses, someone is liable to go bankrupt.

If someone in a high-level profession has no aversion to failure, they probably won’t last very long and will likely cause significant collateral damage before being removed.

The point I’m trying to make is that being uncomfortable with defeat is completely normal, and even necessary in some circumstances. 

Sometimes the difference between a win and a loss really is life and death. 

However, if trivial matters cause you to blow a gasket, as they did for me, consider learning to lose.

Bye Chance.