October 13, 2024 / 9 Minute Read
nice guys & players
To fully satisfy a woman, a man has to have the characteristics of both a nice guy and a player.
Nice Guys & Players: Pg. 15
Since time immemorial, men have been separated into two categories, select and non-select.
Only recently has this terminology shifted to the more contemporary terms of “nice guy” and “player.”
However, the age-old question remains…
What separates the select from the non-select?
How does one go from nice guy to player, or vice versa?
Throughout this article, we will explore the differences between nice guys and players.
mr. goodbar (player)
Mr. Goodbar is the man women read about in romance novels. He is the man with natural genetic beauty. Most women and even heterosexual men consider him handsome.
However, Mr. Goodbar is more than a handsome face and a nice body. What separates Mr. Goodbar is his attitude. He knows how to charm women and push their romantic buttons. However, Mr. Goodbar doesn’t always end up with the woman he wants.
In many ways, Mr. Goodbar is not in control of his life. He is bouncing around satisfying the sex drives of bored and frustrated women, and his real needs might not even be met.
Mr. Goodbar needs to learn restraint and sexual discipline. He must learn how to say no.
Nice Guys & Players: Pg. 31-32
In college, I experienced the life of a Mr. Goodbar.
I had clear skin, a firm body, and a picture perfect smile. Women threw themselves at me with aggression.
However, I rarely, if ever, developed a genuine connection to any of these women. I ran around entertaining women with whom I didn’t see a future. I lived a reactionary lifestyle based on pure instinct. I was a slave to my lust, and in the end, I was left with nothing.
It may seem like Mr. Goodbar has it all, but if he doesn’t learn to master his sexual energy he is doomed to live a life of loneliness and misery.
masked man (player)
The Masked Man lacks the raw natural beauty of Mr. Goodbar. However, he makes up for it by excelling in other areas such as fashion, finances, and fitness. He usually had to work hard to get to the point where women find him desirable, and likely went through many painful relationship experiences during the process.
The Masked Man may wear the mask of success, but underneath the mask are battle scars. The mask hides a man’s spirit. When women fall in love with him, they fall in love with the mask.
The Masked Man must have the courage to remove his mask.
Nice Guys & Players: Pg. 33, 87
Throughout high school, I slowly transformed into a Masked Man.
I had a crush my freshman year who said we were better off as friends. Soon after I began to exercise, grew my hair out, and upgraded my wardrobe.
I created a mask, founded in carnality.
After donning my disguise, the woman who curved me soon became mine. Alas, I still carried the feelings of rejection and inadequacy from when she dismissed me. This caused me to conflate my true identity with the mask I created, and when the mask began to crumble, my self-esteem left with it.
The Masked Man is a ticking time bomb. As the mask inevitably begins to waver he will slowly begin to implode. The longer he wears the mask, the harder it will be to remove.
The Masked Man must learn to embrace his true face.
nice guy (nice guy)
The Nice Guy is polite, dependable, and hardworking. He typically has average looks and dresses in an average way. Since he is not the most handsome or charismatic, he is usually ignored. In short, the Nice Guy lacks personal magnetism.
Despite his shortcomings, the Nice Guy tries hard with women and believes in putting them on a pedestal.
The Nice Guy must stop idolizing women and develop his confidence, aggressive nature, and physical appearance.
Nice Guys & Players: Pg. 35, 36, 81
In eighth grade, I played the role of a Nice Guy.
I asked a girl out, and she said yes. Soon after, one of my “friends” began seducing her. I’m sad to say that he was successful.
I spent the next few months begging her to take me back, sending poems and soliloquies about how she was the apple of my eye. I put her on a pedestal.
It didn’t work.
Being a Nice Guy is never a good thing. In fact, the term “nice” actually has a historically negative connotation.
Nice, it turns out, began as a negative term derived from the Latin nescius, meaning “unaware, ignorant.”
This sense of “ignorant” was carried over into English when the word was first borrowed (via French) in the early 1300s. And for almost a century, nice was used to characterize a “stupid, ignorant, or foolish” person.
Via: https://www.dictionary.com/e/nice-guys/
Being nice was once akin to foolishness and ignorance, and I can’t think of anything more idiotic than putting another human being on a pedestal.
The Nice Guy must learn to lay aside his idolatry of women and focus on improving himself.
gamesman (nice guy)
The Gamesman is the Nice Guy who has decided enough is enough. He is the man who has suffered many rejections by women. The man who lies, cheats, and does whatever it takes to bed women.
He tries to look and act like the man women want, but he lacks substance. Instead of getting his act together to become one of the select, the Gamesman either avoids contact with women or plays games with them.
The Gamesman must let go of his hostility towards women and use his creativity to create something real.
Nice Guys & Players: Pg. 37, 83, 85
When I was in middle school, I played the role of a Gamesman.
I used to buy fake likes and followers for my Instagram account. While my goal wasn’t to attract more women, the sentiment was the same.
I created a false image, an illusion, for social validation.
In Mark 11:12-14, we find a biblical example of what happens when believers embrace the Gamesman archetype through the lesson of the fig tree.
Now the next day, when they had come out from Bethany, He was hungry. And seeing from afar a fig tree having leaves, He went to see if perhaps He would find something on it. When He came to it, He found nothing but leaves, for it was not the season for figs. In response Jesus said to it, “Let no one eat fruit from you ever again.” (Mark 11:12-14)
a. Seeing from afar a fig tree having leaves, He went to see if perhaps He would find something on it: Essentially, the tree was a picture of false advertising, having leaves but no figs. Ordinarily this is not the case with these fig trees, which normally do not have leaves without also having figs.
i. For it was not the season for figs: It wasn’t that the fig tree didn’t have figs because it wasn’t supposed to. The problem is that it had leaves but didn’t have figs. The leaves said, “There are figs here,” but the figs weren’t there.
ii. There were many trees with only leaves, and these were not cursed. There were many trees with neither leaves nor fruit, and these were not cursed. This tree was cursed because it professed to have fruit, but did not.
Via: https://enduringword.com/bible-commentary/mark-11/
The Gamesman embraces the spirit of trickery, spinning webs of lives in hopes of trapping silly women.
The Gamesman must learn to change his negative attitude towards women and redirect his energy towards positivity.
let’s be real
The Real Man is the one ladies truly want.
The Real Man knows who he is and where he is going. He keeps himself well-groomed, is hardworking with plans for the future, and treats others with respect. He doesn’t bother with women unless they can have a positive influence on his life. He takes responsibility for his actions and keeps his word. He satisfies women on all levels, physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually.
Mr. Goodbar, the Masked Man, the Nice Guy, and the Gamesman cannot fully satisfy the needs of women. For this reason, many women have two or more men.
Nice Guys & Players: Pg. 39, 41, 115
The Real Man is essentially a nice guy in a player’s body.
He embodies the best characteristics of each archetype.
Since 2021, I have been working towards becoming a Real Man. During my journey, I’ve realized that one of the biggest obstacles hindering men from transcending the nice guy and player archetypes is a misunderstanding of what being a Real Man actually entails.
Being real has much more to do with the spiritual than the physical.
A Real Man doesn’t have to be the best-looking, smartest, or richest. While keeping up appearances, obtaining knowledge, and financial security are important, they come second to the spiritual growth that must occur when attempting to become real.
The race is not to the swift, Nor the battle to the strong, Nor bread to the wise, Nor riches to men of understanding, Nor favor to men of skill; But time and chance happen to them all.
Ecclesiastes 9:11
Nice guys and players alike suffer from dysfunctional relationships with women.
The only solution is to reject both archetypes and embrace the third option, the narrow path of becoming a Real Man.
By striving to become real, a man will have taken a massive step forward in achieving the life of his dreams.
Bye Chance.
references
Wills, Rom. Nice Guys and Players: Becoming the Man Women Want. E.R.L. Pub, 2000.
by chance 